Ya’ know, not many people talk about life after IVF. What happens when the marching band packs it up? What happens after the airplane takes off in Casablanca? What’s the dealio?
I wish I knew some things before the reality hit me. I’ve had IVF, now what?
I was JUST thinking about this today. I was. I was reminiscing. 2 AM. One of those early morning life thoughts. We’ve all had them. Sometimes they occur in the shower. Sometimes in traffic. Sometimes after watching, THE BREAKFAST CLUB. Mine occurred at 2AM. It just hit.
Anyway. AS I WAS SAYING…
After my transfer date, and blood test, and thankfully and gratefully, a positive outcome, I was pregnant. Yippee! Life was just beginning.
For starters? I had NO idea, I’d still be seeing my RE, for weeks following the IVF. Every time I stepped in to his office, I was reminded that life was delicate inside me. That anything could change at any point in time. That I was being monitored. Nothing was guaranteed to grow in me.
As it turned it out? I lost a twin at week six. I know, it happens. Even my RE warned me that it might occur. And it did. NOTHING prepared me for that heartbreak which was EQUALLY replaced by the joy of one beating heart. The sound of my surviving daughter. So, there I was, legs spread on the table, being told one baby had not made it and seconds later, I heard the heart beat of the other. I cried but I didn’t know what for.
The four weeks following were hell. I was SO happy but would the surviving baby live?
So I did what I did during my IVF protocol and tried to relax. I visited friends, I read books, I turned my head during Pamper’s commercials. And I asked my late father to please send me some luck. I did.
I thought IVF was a toughie. Weeks after IVF was just as potent for me emotionally.
At ten weeks or pregnancy, I saw my RE again and everything seemed to be GREAT. Baby was growing and when I jumped off of the table with a smiling, red face (I broke out in tears of joy) I hugged him. He hugged back and said, “Good bye.” GOOD BYE?
So, yes. Another shocking reality after IVF – saying good bye to the doctor I had seen so VERY often for months. Our relationship was over. I was actually saddened.
I remember getting in to the elevator and studying the buttons of each floor and thinking, “This is it. You’re on your own, B.” It was a me against the world with a child in tow. And my magic shield was disengaged. I wasn’t fearful but I was nostalgic and well, it was because I felt in good hands with my RE. But his purpose was done. And he and I moved forward from multiple appointments and treatments to a one card a year relationship. I sent him the best Hannukah card ever.
This post is growing long and so many ideas are crossing my head. I want to discuss more events that happened to me post-IVF. I shall post part two tomorrow when my brain is cleared. And my thoughts are filled. So many moments in my time capsule. So many good and confusing moments. So many. So many things occurred on that bridge between IVF and full on pregnancy mode. It truly was a bridge.
On one side was a woman with disappointment and loss in her memories – JUST starting IVF. Needles and all. On the other side of that bridge, stands a woman who is almost 7 months along. In the middle of that bridge is that undefined moment between that transfer date and first bout of vomiting from morning sickness. The moment where turning my head from a Pamper’s commercial became shaking the actual Pamper’s box in the pharmacy and thinking, “Nicccceeeeee.”