The darnest thing happened today as I was returning from my OB/GYN appointment. I heard Rhianna’s song, UMBRELLA on the radio and imagined how my future daughter would respond to it.
I could see her singing it with such joy in her face. It’s not salacious and it’s perfect for kids. Then I remembered that the song WAS written from a mother’s perspective. It was written for Britney Spears and inspired by the birth of her second child.
I won’t copy the lyrics here. I think we all know the lyrics by heart, anyway. But wow, it held an impact on me. And I just had to pull over and cry. Just a little bit.
So I sat in my car. And moments later I watched this elderly man with braids in his hair, ride his bicycle in my direction. He had a specific country’s flag on his handlebars.
I was in that particular country once. For a job. I lived there and lived the experience. And although I loved my experiences, I walked away with one bad experience outweighing the ones I loved.
Usually when I see a trigger of that time in my life, such as an actor from that country on television or a soccer match with the team there, I grow sad. And I push myself so hard so that my mood could be lifted. But this time? AFTER pulling over AFTER hearing a nice song AFTER feeling emotional for this birth AFTER..after all that, I felt giddy.
The man was smiling to himself. He looked so peaceful and was obviously thinking of something that warranted such euphoria. I was completely humbled and for the first time, the sign of anything from that country flipped from being a poor trigger to something that said, “See? What’s to fear?”
He drove past me and I wanted to thank him so desperately but I didn’t want to interrupt his thoughts. We all deserve our thoughts to be kept to ourselves. And not to be disturbed.
I pulled out of my little parking spot and the radio came back on. It was a song from some band I did not recognize and sounded like a million others.
You know the type.
Oh! I want to add one IVF note in this post. It’s important. I was reminded of it this morning while I was showering.
Whatever you do, during IVF, please, please, please make copies of your paper work you signed. I don’t want to get in to specifics now because I am currently dealing with a less than stellar situation regarding HOW and WHEN they were to freeze my additional embryos. Trust me when I tell you – get everything in writing. And every month call and ask your RE or his/her office about your frozen embryos. Find out where they are. Find out ANYTHING you can.
Just trust me. More to come in the future. I promise. Right now I am focusing on the positives in life. And not on the negatives.
Just as the man on the bicycle was…
