So. An ex-boyfriend contacted me yesterday. I say, “yesterday” because I went to bed by 7:30P and awoke an hour ago, only to find an email from him.
I usually hear from him around this time of year as he knows my birthday (tomorrow! Woo!) is coming up and he likes to wish me an annual good day. We met when we were nineteen and students at college. We went from friends with crushes on one another to a very laid back coupling. Eventually we broke it off because we wanted different things. He had a penchant for much ( and I mean, much) older women I was six months younger than him so I didn’t float his boat.
Neither here nor there. He and I became an item because we shared the same philosophies on life and were wildly attracted to each other’s gusto for certain things like live music at CBGB’s, dressing up for Halloween, crashing weddings, sci fi movies, and volunteering to help the homeless. He was a very talented film maker (still is) and was extremely forthright at all times. So when he met another woman, it was no shock to my heart. He wanted to marry her asap because she was twenty years our senior and she wanted children quickly.
Because we both knew our wants and needs so early on in our friendship, it was easy for me to be his, “best man” at his wedding. I was a single girl in the city, wearing that tuxedo and holding a champagne toast glass. I had a pretty good time meeting new people and discerning what my own wants and needs were. Heh! I had not a clue. I just knew whoever he was – he was out there. We would know it when we met.
Anyway, so yesterday my ex asked me how I was doing and I responded. I told him about my pregnancy. And he told me about his recent divorce. He was dating a much younger woman now (twenty years our junior) and was happy.
The past is a funny thing, isn’t it? I don’t feel a rush of attraction for him as I once had. But of course, I will want to look pretty and sexy when we do meet for lunch next week. And I am sure he will be attractive to gawk at. But what drew us together is the past now. And it’s a delight to say, “Life has brought us back together again.” Maybe I will see him marry again. Maybe he will play with my daughter. Maybe we will crash a wedding at the Waldorf again. There is always sci-fi movies to gab about. And Halloween costumes to parade in.
I suffered one broken heart in my life and that was when I was older and wiser and more confident. My confidence left me wide open for whatever was in store for me and although it hurt so much, it was worth it.
Was my friend in college worth it? He was, too. But in a different way. We will sit across one another at the restaurant. He will sip his beer and I will sip my seltzer. Our clothes will be tighter with our age and our eyes will sparkle inside the creases of our laugh lines. But we will have a great time as friends and no doubt enjoy the past because the past is right were it should be…passed.
