Getting a life, one day at a time…

by Beth on January 3, 2010

Tomorrow I am house hunting again.  I am so excited because it means that I will finalllllly be out of this basement apartment  in my MIL’s three family building. (I feel like Chris Elliot from, “Get A Life”). I am appreciative that rent was low because I was the super of the building. (I feel like Schneider from “One Day at a Time.”)

However, there was a price to pay…

NO privacy as the walls and ceilings were thin.

NO privacy as I felt my MIL’s eyes upon me even when I could not see her.

NO privacy because, quite frankly, I hate to tip toe around here and only feel relief when I am not home and/or rounded the street corner without seeing her. Without incident.

I am a very easy going woman who had earned her way through life and lived alone in the big city well before moving here.  So what happened?  A transient place to live between overseas work turned in to three years of helping the MIL around her home.  Was it worth it?  NO.

There is no price for freedom and privacy.

And just when I think she is not paying mind to me, she always proves me wrong.  The other day she mentioned, “I saw you come home after midnight.  You can’t do that as a mother.  I really worry about my grandchild.”  She had NO idea I was JUST moving my car to bring it closer to the home so she could step in it easily the next morning for her doctor’s appointment I was taking her to.

So, it is HIGH time I “get a life.”  And see this new year as “one day at a time.”  And get the hell out of here ASAP.

Any of you have any experiences with MIL or other in-laws or just plain old family like this?  DO TELL.

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  • Helen

    Beth, I feel your pain. I also feel like your new stalker….but I too have MIL issues….mine insists on whenever we see them which isn’t often, (and my husb cannot stand his own mother incidentally, that’ s prob the main problem here) she will insist on dragging me off somewhere on her own so she can angrily cry at me. About how awful her life is, about how no-one understands her, oh yes, you see it’s ALL about her.

    Our xmas meal , we went to a pub. I went to the bathroom. She waited for me outside so she could drag me out and do the angry crying thing. Again. Same old. BIL is getting married this year. Apparently she’s being left out (she isn’t) and apparenyly she was left out at OUR wedding. (er? No she wasn’t!) And she hates my mother, for NO reason whatsoever, you would laugh so much if you saw my sweet, polite little mum, who wouldn’t hurt a fly, yet this woman is projecting anger and vitriole on her.

    Oh so many examples of horror to mention…apparently I am INCREDIBLY unphotogenic, says MIL , she warned at the dinner table against having oral sex when I had a cold sore (thanks) and…oh yes, she hissed at me when we were due to leave her mother’s house “When she dies, I get to see my sons again.” (she is jealous of her own mother’s affection and attention for her grandsons) I am terrified of her. Have you ever seen the newer series of Dr Who? I dont’ know if you get it there, BBC tv prog. Anyway, we joke that she looks like one of the aliens- The Slitheen. She is one.

    Anyway. I GENUINELY feel your pain here. I say kill her with kindness. Then she can never throw anything back at you. xxx

  • http://www.ivfgirl.com Beth

    Ugh. See, I HAVE killed her with kindness. For twelve years and it worked. But once I got knocked up (or as you say there, ‘in the duff’) she has been extremely cruel. And has ganged up on me with one of her own daughters. The two of them are gross.

    My MIL (and SIL) is basically what is wrong with the USA. Hate to say it but it’s true. Not a reader of the real news and in fact not a reader at all. Not intelligent about the world. She thinks NO black man should be president. And that she is extremely cultured because she is an Italian woman who has seen the pope from the distance. (Um, so did I! In 1995. I was at the Vatican. Me! A Jew from NY! HI!) Oh, and all men in head wraps are terrorists. Cool, right? Mind, my step dad (Bruno. YES, Bruno) is Italian and came here when he was 30 something. He saw the pope zero times. So what logic is there in any of this? None.

    So I have always rolled my eyes to her and her daughter and their lack of sensibilities and sensitivities of ALL people. But when she started to name call me when I was alone (the two of them did), I decided, “ENOUGH.” Hence, the house hunt. Which will be a home by my own mother. Coincidence? It actually is. I like the area and there are so many parks and lakes for my child to enjoy. My mom and Bruno rock, too.

    My friends in Haiti (where I once worked) would be shocked at the behavior of someone in my family. Not only do they know what poverty looks and feels and smells like but they have a keen sense of what is wrong in he world when it comes to racism. And I am afraid, my MIL and SIL are breathing examples of it.

    So it stinks that people I hardly respect in the first place (but kept cool around for so many years) BELIEVE they have the upper hand in the situation. You can not talk to them when they are this moronic. All you can do is say, “Fuck you, both…” simply by locking the door behind me.

    :) Your MIL and my MIL should go head to head in a boxing ring. I wonder who would win? What do you reckon?

  • Jilly

    Hi Hon, just do what you have to do to keep you and your bump happy & healthy. Whenever it gets bad just remember you have friends here from all over the world who DO appreciate you & your support & who would happlily slap both MIL & SIL! If they find it so hard to see any good in the world it must be a dark and sad world they live in. I pity them and feel so sad that they will miss out on so much. X JJ

  • Helen

    Wow Beth, that’s a lot to deal with…..and yep maybe it’s moved on from the kill ‘em with kindness stakes….you get the hell out of there! It amazes me how people can justify in their heads their treatment of others! But it gets to the point where it’s poisonous to you. I am not yet at the point (and mine in comparison is not quite so vile by the sounds of things!) where I feel able to do anythign about it. Oh yes and I’m also scared to cos the repercussions would be a nightmare…..But for your sake, just concern yourself with the important things-the people you love and who love you! How does you other half feel?

    By the way, yours ‘d win the fight. Mine would just cry angrily in the corner about it afterwards FOR YEARS afterwards abotu how unfair it all was and no-one had ever thought of things from her point of view. Mmm.

  • http://fromiftowhen.blogspot.com Katie

    I stopped caring about my crazy MIL and what she thought of me a long time ago because I realized soon after my husband and I started dating that I would never live up to her expectations. My SIL is the prodigal daughter-in-law and I will never come close, mostly because I haven’t born her a precious grandchild and I don’t like to stand in the kitchen all day with my apron on. Sometimes I wish my husband was an only child, but then I realize her desire to control every aspect of our lives would only get worse. She is super critical, not of me but of my husband, and loves to insert her opinion on almost everything we do in our lives–even when we don’t ask her for it.

    I’m so sorry you are a member of the psycho-MIL club. I hope you get to move far, far away from her soon.

  • http://www.afterthealter.com Jen @ After The Alter

    wow that would drive me NUTS!! Personally I would have made some smart A$$ comment back if my MIL had something to say about when I came home. I’m so glad to hear you are house hunting. Like you said…you paid the price for the low rent in other ways. I am a strong believer that sometimes family needs to keep their distance and mind their business. I know when I have kids my MIL is going to flap her mouth about her opinions and I am going to have to put her in her place…not that she’s not nice, but she can be very over bearing..I think the best way to describe my MIL is “marie” on everybody loves Raymond! Means well..but can just be too much! MIL’s get their bad names for a reason! lol

  • http://www.ivfgirl.com Beth

    So funny, I don’t even HAVE a working kitchen in this apartment so I am no even going to address the apron issue. :) My SIL and MIL are always talking about cooking and cleaning which I will certain to address once outta here.

    My MIL IS Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond. But worse. Gawd. I watch that show and think, “Not so bad…”

    I had a terrible fever today so I had to cancel house hunting. I did get in the car and start the drive, however. THAT was how committed I was to this mission. But health first. Killed me to turn around.

    Sigh. :)

    Thanks for your support!

  • http://www.tenderbabycare.com/getting-pregnant/trying-to-get-pregnant.html Trying to get Pregnant

    Hi My daughter told her friend Sam that she would work on a history project with her. When she was going to work with sam after school on monday and the project was due on tue but sam was not at school monday or tue because she went to visit her sick grandma in the hospital. What she i tell my daughter she already turned the project in. Should she let sam put her name on it too or tell no because Sam never did any of the work?

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