Irony was, a REAL HOUSEWIFE OF NEW YORK (Bethenny Frankel) was literally sitting next to me earlier in the day on May 7th. We were both in labor and waiting for a room at the hospital. Why? Why did we wait in the hallway, on a folding chair , surrounded by nurses, doctors, floral arrangements, and babies being carted to the nursery in mobile cradles?
MAY IS A POPULAR MONTH FOR BIRTHS.
Kid you not. ‘Twas a zoo. And it was the day before Mother’s Day so perhaps we and our children are in sync with the calendar. And our love for brunch and roses.
Anyway. I waited NINE hours to have a room. A bed to birth on, ahhhh. Bethenny Frankel waited a lot less. Go figure. She had her baby after I had mine and yet, she had her room first. I texted my colleagues this information, of course.
The good thing about being distracted by other mothers (most not famous) also waiting in the hallway was that I had not focused on the painful contractions. I was interested in walking around, gawking at the babies in the nursery, and exploring the gift shop. At one point, I walked to the diner a few blocks away and ate some French toast. I did! Just a few bites.
When I was brought to the labor room, it was almost 6p and I was just ready for a nap. I took several throughout the night, actually. I was beginning to wonder if birth was a real deal or just a lot of back talk. Then 3:30A occurred.
And things happened. We had some complications and there was a fear my daughter would not make it. There was a fear I was not going to make it. Just know…things happened. But it was a rarity and something future mothers should not worry about. Bottom line? We are here and alive. And we had an emergency c-section eventually.
Mom and kiddo are healthy. She is lovely. She is my world.
IVF brought my dream in to focus and now, my focus has brought me clarity. NOTHING else matters. Not Bethenny Frankel. Not French toast. Not painful contractions.
AND NOT INFERTILITY.
I BEAT YOU, INFERTILITY. SCORE ONE FOR ME , ONE FOR MATILDE, AND ZERO FOR YOU.
HAH!
Thank you for reading my blog, you guys. I plan on posting more often now. I plan on expressing just how much this COULD happen for others. I plan on living a life extraordinary.
The darnest thing happened today as I was returning from my OB/GYN appointment. I heard Rhianna’s song, UMBRELLA on the radio and imagined how my future daughter would respond to it.
I could see her singing it with such joy in her face. It’s not salacious and it’s perfect for kids. Then I remembered that the song WAS written from a mother’s perspective. It was written for Britney Spears and inspired by the birth of her second child.
I won’t copy the lyrics here. I think we all know the lyrics by heart, anyway. But wow, it held an impact on me. And I just had to pull over and cry. Just a little bit.
So I sat in my car. And moments later I watched this elderly man with braids in his hair, ride his bicycle in my direction. He had a specific country’s flag on his handlebars.
I was in that particular country once. For a job. I lived there and lived the experience. And although I loved my experiences, I walked away with one bad experience outweighing the ones I loved.
Usually when I see a trigger of that time in my life, such as an actor from that country on television or a soccer match with the team there, I grow sad. And I push myself so hard so that my mood could be lifted. But this time? AFTER pulling over AFTER hearing a nice song AFTER feeling emotional for this birth AFTER..after all that, I felt giddy.
The man was smiling to himself. He looked so peaceful and was obviously thinking of something that warranted such euphoria. I was completely humbled and for the first time, the sign of anything from that country flipped from being a poor trigger to something that said, “See? What’s to fear?”
He drove past me and I wanted to thank him so desperately but I didn’t want to interrupt his thoughts. We all deserve our thoughts to be kept to ourselves. And not to be disturbed.
I pulled out of my little parking spot and the radio came back on. It was a song from some band I did not recognize and sounded like a million others.
You know the type.
Oh! I want to add one IVF note in this post. It’s important. I was reminded of it this morning while I was showering.
Whatever you do, during IVF, please, please, please make copies of your paper work you signed. I don’t want to get in to specifics now because I am currently dealing with a less than stellar situation regarding HOW and WHEN they were to freeze my additional embryos. Trust me when I tell you – get everything in writing. And every month call and ask your RE or his/her office about your frozen embryos. Find out where they are. Find out ANYTHING you can.
Just trust me. More to come in the future. I promise. Right now I am focusing on the positives in life. And not on the negatives.
So. As I am struggling with lack of sleep and/or too much sleep for remainder of day, I have had a fried brain. Writing has been tough because sitting or laying down is tough. So is standing up.
My remedy at nine months knocked up? A shower. For some reason it helps relax me in to some semblance of normalcy again. And I am then able to make some toast and focus on packing my hospital bag.
Did I mention I am throwing an event for my work this Saturday, too? Sheesh. What WAS I thinkin’. And what will I wear? What would Fonzie do? Yikes.
Stretch pants city, baby. Hopefully my bra will withstand the hours at the event, too.
TMI.
So in light of feeling a bit more peckish these days, I am going to leave a very cute link on my blog today. It’s a universal message for all kids and adults and something I will find great pleasure in sharing with all of you.
And no, it is NOT a Rickroll.
I hope you enjoy it and I am looking forward to feedback.
In the mean time? I shall suck on some lemons to off set the nausea and attempt to tie my shoe so that I may enjoy this sunny day. It’s warm and kind out there. At last.
So. A friend of mine had her blood test yesterday after her 2WW and she is not carrying any children. Sucks. Her IVF #1 did not take.
She and her husband had a rough time, getting through the night, knowing they would wake up and be asked by co-workers, “Sooooo? What’s the news?!” Worse yet, waking up NOT pregnant and feeling as if the options of conception have run out.
Truth is? My first IVF worked so I don’t know how to comfort this couple. But what we DO have in common is the feeling of heartbreak in having tried and having fallen upwards. “Failed” is too strong of a word. No one fails. Everyone who has ever tried is NOT a failure. Although, at this very moment, knowing my friend, she feels as though she is one. And that she is to blame.
I think the worst part of falling upwards is the feeling of hope being lost. Without hope, there would be no one running for president, no marathons being trained for, no one asking that incredible man out for some coffee. There would be no sense of having tried and having pride in that.
I told my friend and her husband that despite such discouraging news, they WILL be wonderful parents. And that were to try again or not – the decision of having tried this one time was worth it. They might have been 90-years-old some day, wondering, “What if…” Now they have an answer and how they proceed is up to them.
I do not think they will consider an IVF #2. Just a hunch. But I sure am proud they went for it for a round. I just hope the co-workers and family they will encounter respect their privacy and decisions. Sometimes people who never went through infertility or conception through medical assistance don’t know how to be human. So they say something effed-up. Like, “Oh, well. Maybe you shouldn’t parent.” Or, “Oh, well. God’s plan.” NOT the right words to say. Come on now, people.
On a side note but sort of in the same vain – I have this race to run after the baby is born. I made a wager with my best friend that I could beat him in a one-mile race. I run a fast mile as I have what is known as the, “fast gene.” I got tested for it a long time ago during marathon training. I’ve always excelled in speed and endurance. HOWEVER, my friend is a man with broad shoulders and strong legs. He’s also freakishly fast. Now, the beauty of this bet is that the idea of running this race (for charity) brings me to such a happy place in my mind. In MY head, I am the victor. And his punishment for losing is to cook for me in a frilly apron. There is NO way he will win. I’m determined.
However, I must admit, a small part of me is scared he will win. He’s the better athlete at the moment. And he always beats me in everything we compete against. He’s THAT guy. Annoying. He excels at everything he does.
So who should win? The demi-god? Or the the chick with heart? I’m not saying he lacks heart. But I REALLY want to win. And he knows it. Jerk. :)
So, yes – my wanting to try is going to get me through these next few weeks and throughout the come back I will have in my physical fitness. I’ve never won any contest before and I would love to win this one. Not because I would be beating a boy. But because it’s the one thing I have reservations about – winning against him. He’ll never know it though.
But? ….
At the moment I point and laugh at him and tell him he is dreaming. :)
So. I am learning a little bit about IVF grants. I wish I had the insight to study up on it way back when. That would have been absolutely worth any of my effort.
Heck, I’d have run to across the country in my Asics if it meant an opportunity to be granted some financial relief.
My friend, who is now in her two-week waiting period (crossing my fingers and toes!) had gotten her IVF through an IVF grant. She and her husband were told they had just met the deadline and might not be eligible due to their annual combined income.
But? As luck turned out, they were awarded the IVF grant and were awarded a DECENT dream of a lifetime. I’ll say as much. Very, very decent.
I know that it was open to New York patients and along with financial eligibility, my buddy and her husband had to prove through previous testing and records that they had a chance to become pregnant through IVF. That not all hope was lost. And the grant money was going to be used towards the possibility of a future baby. I guess the powers that be don’t want to chance it with a couple who have deeper infertility issues and instead assist a couple who have a shot (no pun intended) at success.
Her RE’s office helped in the information and my guess is that the billing or financial department there sat with them and went over the logistics of applying. And they found out fairly quickly that the IVF grant was approved. A few weeks went by, if that.
That is one concern I’d have had. Waiting for an answer. Jeez, every month that goes by…ya know? Anyway, I was pleased as punch that they were informed so soon after they applied. And that, bonus…well, they got the bonus.
Anyway. I was just curious about grants. I wish the information was more forthcoming at EVERY RE’s office.
Do you think more couples would go for IVF if they knew they had a chance to attain a grant? Do all states have this opportunity? What happens if the IVF doesn’t work out – is the grant good for another go?
I am all sorts of curious.
The little baby is kicking my ribs as I type this so I sense she is curious, too.
I had this situation happen to me the other day. I was in Duane Reade, standing in line to pay for ice cream (yes!) when a man (also in line) reached over and patted my stomach.
“Ooooh. How far along? Boy or girl? I have three!”
Hmmm, right? Thing was, he was around my age so he wasn’t old school nor was he like a four -year -old boy. He was just some dude in his thirties. Muy peculiar. Truly.
Anyway. He was rubbing away in a clockwork motion and I was just a little stunned. So *I* said the following:
“What?”
He continued to rub. “When are you due?”
“Due? What?”
He stoppped. “What?”
I then said. And this is where it becomes ballsy…
“I’m not pregnant.”
He looked like he saw the Shining twins behind me and quickly removed his hand from my large stomach and stood forward – looking forward. Thinking forward. Tick tock, tick tock.
Thankfully, not too long after that, the clerk was ready for him. He paid and got the eff outta Dodge.
Me? I walked to the counter and turned to the two women behind me. “I’m 8 1/2 months along but he should NOT have done that.”
Boy did we laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.
A woman with a tub of ice cream telling a man she is not pregnant after he rubbed her protruding stomach…that was me. Darn proud.
I walked home and they sky was like this violet/cobalt blue and the moon was in a crescent. Everything seemed just fine. I pay attention to the colors and shades around me often but that sky was really just magical. I felt as if I had things under control at that moment.
Sorry for my absence. I needed a respite from the computer as the pregnancy was turning complicated and family issues…more complicated.
But all is well and there are blue skies ahead. My due date is soon and I’m learning to breathe on my own.
The other day, a close friend of mine told me, “Your little baby needs you.” We were joking about cool clothes and the metallica rockabye cd. But what he said sort of jolted me. My baby didn’t need ME.
“I need her.”
She will always bring out the best in me. And I know because she will be here and real and existing, she will be the reason I am going to be better version of who I am already. Not many people do that for me. Maybe one friend does. Because that friend exists, I am a better version of myself.
Anyway. I am rambling here. I hope I still have readers.
I promise not to disappear for such a long time again. It’s no fun.
A friend of mine JUST started her IVF protocol. Tests after tests and birth control pills taken – you know what I am talking about. She’s JUST begun. And guess what? She wants to give up already.
I’ll tell you why.
POOR bedside manner at her RE’S office. I have to say, I relate to her frustration.
Rather than divulge her private details, I’ll let you explore mine. Her stories are so freakishly similar to mine that it doesn’t matter who is elaborating about which RE’s office. Bottom line? There are commonalities.
For one? The “financial woman” is a nightmare. She hardly did her homework. She misread my information from my insurance card so she was, of course told I was non existent. On my next appointment what did this “financial woman” do? She shrieked at me in the hallway, in front of patients. “I don’t know WHO you think you are, passing off the WRONG info to me. You are INFERTILE and they do NOT cover you. In fact? There is NO record of you.” In less than five minutes I was passing my cell phone on to “financial woman” so she may speak to my insurance guy, “Russ.” Russ burst her balloon and corrected her appalling information. She was wrong. Very wrong. She did not apologize to me. So I told her off something fierce.
A few days in to my IVF needles, I was sitting in the waiting room when the front desk receptionist informed me my record was missing. She could not find it. Where was it? She accidentally dropped it in the garbage, along with her breakfast of half eaten eggs and bacon from the corner diner. Nice. MY personal records. Garbage. Height, weight and social on there. Notes. Photos. You name it.
My third gripe was by a very nasty nurse who claimed she called me with updates on my protocol. She never did. She never called me. One time she put me in an exam room (No pants. Paper sheet and all) where I waited an hour an a half. She forgot to tell my RE I was there. The reason I had not brought it to anyone’s attention sooner was because I was always so USED to waiting up to to two hours in the waiting room that it wasn’t surprising I’d be waiting in the exam room a crazy amount of time. What did this nurse say when she realized her error? NOTHING. I was told a few days later that she claimed, I went in on my own and never told her I was there. Now why would I opt to lay in a cold, exam room when I could people watch in the warm, waiting area. They had magazines and a water filter there. She lied. FAIL.
Those are three experiences I considered to be poor bedside manner. Mind you, my RE was wonderful and some of his staff were wonderful. Was it worth the frustration? Yes. I started to pay no mind to crappy employees because they were not contributing to my success. Instead, I focused on the people who mattered. People who would bring me success.
I often wonder if others went through some nightmarish staffing. My buddy is going through it now and as much as I tell her to relax and focus on the good times, she is at the end of her tether.
I hope she stays the course. I hope she does what I eventually had to do – tell her RE. So many REs are so busy that they don’t manage their staff. They have NO idea. When I told my RE he was shocked. And then he paid attention. VERY close attention. He fired some of his staff eventually and thanked me for bringing it to his attention.
Please. Feel free to tell me your hell stories here, too. I don’t mind sharing mine because in hindsight, they are so odd that they border on unbelievable. If I were not there to have witnessed it, ya know?
Yeaaah.
Anyway. Some people are not meant to work with other people. And some people, well, they are amazing. Amazing REs and amazing nurses.
Grammy’s Schwammy’s. I miss the 80’s music I used to play on my vinyl records. I miss my record sleeves and skipping needle. I miss flipping over the record when I loved and learned every lyric of the first side.
My favorite 80’s album of all time was SEVEN AND THE RAGGED TIGER. Duran Duran. Followed by, SHABOO SHABBAH. Inxs.
Today, on my ipod, I was listening to Oingo Boingo’s song, JUST ANOTHER DAY. It really brought the spring back in my step as I walked along the cold, mean streets. Brrrrrr. :)
I still have my Frankie Say Relax t-shirt, by the way.
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine the music is still so new. Or that those musicians are still young and some day would fall in love with me. In England. Cool Beth. Yeaaaah, that’s right.
What is your favorite 80’s band or song or album? Is it WHO CAN IT BE NOW? COME ON EILEEN? Or maybe, just maybe it is something by Kim Carne? Hmmmm? :)
Beth (31)
fromiftowhen (6)
The Quest For Bab... (6)
Trying to get Pre... (6)